Bite me

I am finally back in my own room which I found to be quite weird and odd in so many ways. The fact that I finished unpack all my stuffs seems to scare me even more. I feel that somehow I will be permanently stuck here ……. in Sipitang. Not that I resent it, but I feel as a grown woman I should out grow my hometown by exploring other places. Urgh, scareee!!! Not that I hate being a “kampung girl”, but I don’t know, I can’t seem to breathe here, like I lost myself, everything feels like normal… Life ere move in a very slow pace, in fact I am starting to die slowly of boredom, that’s why I need to find a job A.S.A.P, start living on my own, be able to provide for myself and not depend much on my parents. I feel like such a burden to them. I am also afraid of meeting my neighbours (so funny that I finally come to this stage). Hate to be asked the common questionnaire, “what are you doing now”, “where r you now?” , “what is your plan”, “hey, are you going to be a teacher afterwards”, “so how is your posting” , “kamu pnya ijazah diiktiraf ka?”, “ble ka kamu dpat kerja ni di sekolah kerajaan?”, “ anak c …… sdah jadi cikgu d SMPO 2, ko bila lagi?”……

-> All these questions seems to be driving me mad…. I just want to scream out loud in front of their faces and say shut up... but instead I went home and cried alone in my old & blue room, crying the blue out of me (ironic). Honestly being here gives me the creeps & the pressure of getting a job seems to be mounting on my shoulder. Duh, I guess I am not as lucky as I thought I was. I shud have taken BBA instead of BED!

Basically, I don’t have a clue about how to get a job, which job should I be applying as I am super duper confuse! I am lost, honestly lost. Where do I begin, I am taking Bachelor of Education from UNITAR and the fact that most people questioned about whether or not this course is validate by the government really slimming the chances of me branching out. Yes, last time I checked it is VALIDATE by the MQA & government. But the fact that we are from private does not allow us to ride the “smooth highways” as to other graduates of educators from local universities and Maktab. We need to fill in the forms 1st together with our transcript then post it to the Ministry of Education. Then, the waiting start, in which hoping to be call for interview from the government (I guess), but we do have to wait long time as there is a long list of names plus the chances is slim as most of the empty positions is given out to those from local universities. We the private will have to wait some more (reality bites big time) -> that’s the basic procedure of us graduates from private institutions. But, if we opt to go and teach 4 private sectors … up to us, yet like I said I am lost. I haven’t had a clue of how to dig myself out of this pitfall. I know I should have locus control of my destiny, yet I am truly honestly lost. Lost in the world of job as well as suffocating myself here in Sipitang! -> Shoot me but before that lend a helping hand and dig me out of this pitfall!!